AND DYING


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This film presents a hybrid of fiction and documentary.

A real pregnancy is followed on film over nine months

and explored within a fictional story:

A young scientist, in the midst of groundbreaking research,

is thrown into free-fall when she becomes pregnant with her dead husband’s child and is suddenly confronted by the unknowable — her mind, her body transfigured in ways that are both magical and terrifying.












"A gripping meditation on the intersection of self and selflessness, science and spirituality, life and death."




This film strives to do something no film has done before: explore the journey a woman takes into motherhood from a philosophical, intellectual and spiritual point of view—but also from a completely visceral one. This is the real body of a woman in flux. This is the real mind of a woman grappling with the unknown. This is the real heart of a woman bursting, a mother for the first time.

I was terrified of pregnancy-- so I decided I had to make a film. As I contemplated the unsettling idea of being transfigured, of relinquishing control, the idea for the project began to evolve. I started writing a screenplay about a young scientist who becomes pregnant, her journey unfolding over the nine months of her pregnancy.

I got pregnant, and with the script still evolving, we began to film. We shot over the nine months of my actual pregnancy, and I played the young scientist. Thus started to unfold a filmic self-portrait: a fictional story based in magical realism—but rooted in a true, real-life event that was unfolding in tandem with the production.

We shot a little bit each month. As I met with my midwife, I rewrote the midwife scenes. As I faced fears and discoveries in my pregnancy, they were incorporated both into the text of the script, and into my directing, my acting. 


They say there are always three films: the one you write, the one you shoot, and the one you edit— the script for this film was created before I became pregnant, the film was shot during my pregnancy, and it was edited after I became a mother. ​The result is a fantastical self-portrait on film.